In the Silences I'm Wishing
by Grey Kindle
Summary: Lightning cracked in the background, static filling the air as Sarah's eyes widened, flying from the book to Toby. "No, Toby, NO, don't-" ... a slow-burn J/S romance, starting with one of those clique'd not-again moments. Choppy updates, sorry. (title from Ruby Day's song 'A Little Seasick', all rights to her.) Please read and enjoy!


"…and we should be back a little after 11," Irene finished. "Can you handle everything alright?"

Sarah gave a wry smile, tucking a stray strand of chestnut hair behind her ear. "Irene, relax. I'm not a little kid anymore. You and Dad have fun, ok?"

Irene nodded anxiously, giving her stepdaughter a peck on the cheek. "Okay then. Don't let Toby stay up too late. Bye, dear," she got out before Sarah shut the door.

Collapsing against the wood, she let a deep breath go, shaking her head. "Parents," she muttered, walking into the kitchen to preheat the over for dinner. "Toby! They're gone!"

A four-year-old blur shot into the kitchen and grabbed her leg with so much force that it knocked her over. Laughing, she pushed blond curls out of her half-brother's face to reveal a gap-toothed grin.

"SAAAAAARAHHHH!" Toby cried, burying his face in her sweater. "I'm so glad you're home from school! Don't ever leave again!"

Sarah laughed. "You act like I haven't already been here two weeks, Tobes. But when I finish school, I'll get a job near here. I promise."

Sarah attended NYU, at which she had just started in the fall. She loved being in the city, amid the loudness and hustle and bustle where she could blend in anywhere she went, but there was a problem- it was three states and an eight-hour drive away from the quiet New England town she was raised in, up in Maine. As such, she only got to see Toby -and her father and Irene- when she had enough time and gas money to make that trip happen. And on a college budget, that was rare.

But the times when she did make the trip home…they were always worth it.

"Sarahsarahsarah!" Toby cried, jolting Sarah from her thoughts. "Can we have pizza?"

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you have pizza last night?"

Toby stuck his bottom lip out.

Sarah shook her head, trying not to smile. "Don't tell your mother."

After pizza, ice cream, and The Black Cauldron on VHS, Toby was asleep in bed and Sarah was finishing up some homework for her English Lit class when her phone rang.

With a yawn, Sarah took a stretch break and flopped back in her chair as she hit the green button. "Hello?"

"SAAHRRRAAAHHHHHHHH!" a voice wailed on the other end, "Hechanaejhfakhootnonmeahhhhghkkelsiieeeeeeahfffju uaghss!"

Sarah winced and held the phone away from her ear. "Alex? Is that you? Are you okay?"

There was a long sob from the other end. "Hechaughhhtaesarbgfadehjaonnnmmmmahhhhgh!"

"Slow down and take deep breaths. What happened?"

Forced gasps and static buzzed through the speaker. "He…cheated…omne. Trent…and…trenticantbelivehewoulddothataghuudghheh ha!"

Sarah swore. "_What_? But you've been dating for three years! I thought he was going to propo-"

She was cut off by a howl of misery from the other end. Sarah realized that she wasn't making Alex's situation any better.

"Please come home," her roommate chocked out. "Please, Sarah. I'm alone in the a-a-" -she hiccupped- "-apartment. How long are you going to stay in M-Maine?"

"Well…" Sarah bit her lip. "I was only going to stay for a couple more days…"

"I need you," Alex pleaded. "You've been there for weeks, y-your parents would u-u-understand. Right?"

Sarah bit her lip harder. Alex was her best friend, and she would never leave her high and dry, but….she also tended to be a bit dramatic. "Are you sure? I mean…did you see…the-?"

This sparked another blubbering outburst of instance and cries of "I can't BELIEVE hewoujisstchtonmeandafghreythingweeafbenthhhhragh" which caused Sarah to say (somewhat forcefully) "Okay, OKAY, _please_ calm down, Alex. ALEX. I promise I'll leave tomorrow, is that okay? Can you make it tonight?"

Alex sniffled agreement and what sounded, judging by the scratching sound coming from the phone, like a nod. The friends love-you-bye'd (tearfully, on Alex's end) and Sarah sat back in her chair, deflated.

_Well_, she thought as she gathered her unfinished homework and started to head upstairs to her old room, _Irene and Dad are probably having fun…I can tell them tomorrow….we can have breakfast at least before I leave…_

Her mind was still in a fog when she started mindlessly putting her things back into her clunky black suitcase on her bed. Pulled away by scuffling sounds coming from her door, Sarah turned around and saw…

"Toby?" Sarah placed a hand on her hip. "Buddy, you should be in bed."

"What're you doing? Why're you putting stuff in your bag?" Toby's eyes were wide, though hazy with sleep.

"Oh, Toby." Sarah knelt and picked him up. "C'mon, sweetheart, you're falling asleep standing up."

"But _why_?" Toby insisted, crossing his arms. "You're staying 'til later. Are you leaving?"

"No, no, I'm not," Sarah assured as she fumbled with the door, pushing it open with her hip. "I gotta leave a little early, but not right now, ok? We can make Kocoa Krispies for breakfast tomorrow." She yawned as she dropped Toby on his rumpled covers.

"What?" When she pulled back, her half-brother's lip was trembling. "You said we could go to the park on Sunday! You can't go!" He pulled her back over his bed, drawing his arms around her neck.

"Toby…" she rubbed his back as she felt something wet fall on her neck. "Oh, don't cry, it's gonna be okay. It's not until tomorrow, anyway. I think we just both need to go to sleep." Sarah pulled away and looked straight into his green eyes, the jade worry she saw there making her stroke his hair. "Okay?"

Toby yanked her hand off his hair. "No! No, I won't let you go. You have to stay."

Sarah drew her hand back and put it on his shoulder instead. "Shhhh, Tobes. I'll be back soon, you know I will." She was leaning on the doorframe now, trying to edge out a bit so the possibility of her English homework getting finished was still alive.

"No! I want you to stay, I want you to! If you don't stay, I…I hate you!" His eyes narrowed. "I hate you…and…a-and-" he sniffled and wiped a tear away, as upset as he was angry. "I-I wish…"

Fear creased Sarah's face. In an instant she reeled back to a place, deep, twisting, dark, dangerous…a place she hadn't been in years.

A voice she hadn't heard in years.

"_What's said is said."_

She hadn't meant it. Who could have meant such a horrible thing, to wish their brother gone forever? No, of course she didn't mean it.

"_Oh , you didn't?" _The voice jeered in disbelief. She hadn't meant it. She hadn't mea-

_NO! _Sarah snapped out of the memory. She drew back from Toby as thunder rolled in the distance. Thunder? It was supposed to be clear tonight. She turned, as if in slow motion, to look at the window, when her eyes flitted across Toby's bedside table. A book sat on it. A little, red, leather-bound book with a creased spine and ink-stained cover and dog-eared pages and-

"I w-wish-"

Lightning cracked in the background, static filling the air as Sarah's eyes widened, flying from the book to Toby. "No, Toby, NO, don't-"

"-the goblins would come a-and take you awayrightNOW!"

A/N: Oooooh, what's gonna happen? Please subscribe and leave reviews for me, guys. If I'm doing something you like or don't like, I want to know : ) All my love, Grey (thx for reading xx)


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